The Loneliness of Good Fortune
by Devil Lace
Summary: A cat-demon has offered Makoto and Haru a chance at experiencing their future without each other without the consequence of permanence. Haru isn't interested but oddly enough Makoto jumps at the chance. Now, Makoto and Haru try to manage a future without each other and realize it may not be the future they want. Only thing is, it may be too late, and there may be no coming back.
1. Chapter 1

Moments could tear in two; haven't you heard? Haru hadn't. He'd never experienced the way moments could eclipse. Clipped and skewed, paralyzed like a glitching film clip in one discomforting moment that lived on like a lifetime in Haru's memory. Haru wished he could forget what Makoto had said.

_'Makoto-chan, Haruka-chan...graduation is steadily approaching. Any ideas for your future?" Makoto and Haru refused to look each other, instead, their brows knitted together as they thought on their unspoken futures with guilt evident on their faces. _

_The demon smiled, its ears bobbing back and forth. Haru couldn't get over how bizarre it was that the cat Makoto had known since it was a kitten had turned out to be a demon. A wish-granting demon that had came to them on their way to Haru's house one day. All because of their visit to the shrine and their apparently, not so coincidental choosing of the 'Good Fortunes' card. _

_'That's okay, but time is running out. I just thought I'd let you know..." Makoto and Haru looked up, their attention caught. 'Think hard. Because I can give you a first look at what your futures could be.' _

_'Wha? How?' Makoto stepped from behind Haru, the terrified expression morphing into one of a confused look. _

_The cat-oni giggled. Haru had never felt such a dizzying effect of stupor and hilarity in his entire life. _

Underneath the cover of the blanket Haru fingered the thin, red thread between his fingers. He breathed in deeply, took in the solid quiet of the room while Makoto washed up in the restroom, Haru couldn't help but think of that moment. That one blink of time that changed what reality was for Haruka Nanase. Reality was a smiling demon, purring promises of what ordinary humans never had the fortune of receiving; the future without its consequences.

He squeezed the thread between his fingers and closed his eyes. Haruka had learned so much about Makoto in that moment.

_'You've always been so kind, Makoto. Always stopping to play with me on your way to Haruka's home. Since I was just a kitten I watched you two. You're very close. And graduation...well, aren't you nervous?'_

_Haru looked away stubbornly, unwilling to speak on the matter while Makoto chimed in as always with a soft smile—the radiance of that quiet early morning present in the everlasting beam of his smile. 'Haru's been scouted. He's very talented.' Makoto beamed, a soft pink flush on his cheeks. He had always been so proud to call Haru his best friend. _

_'Ah! And you, Makoto. You're thinking of going to a local university. Maybe even Tokyo university if your grades permit, right?'_

_Haru's head snapped to look at Makoto with furrowed brows. His first time hearing anything of Makoto's plans. _

_He had thought Makoto had been undecided, just as Haru was. But he guessed he had been too stubborn to see it._

_'Y-yes,' Makoto said, scratching his cheek with a nervous grin in Haru's direction. _

_'I'd like to help you. I know its hard for you two to imagine the possibility of separation. I can allow you the chance of choosing your own paths—the ones you truly want, but are afraid of. Lives without one another.' Their fears were finally put into words and Haru flinched, looked down at his feet. Makoto's brows were furrowed as he chewed on his bottom lip. 'It will be tough. But you can always go back to each other. With this.' The cat-oni held out two long pieces of red thread for each of them to take. _

_Haru looked at the thread in his hand, but didn't expect to have any use for it. Haru wasn't going to accept the offers of the scouts anyway. He had just been about to open his mouth to assure the cat that Makoto and he would not be separating. But Makoto surprised him. _

_'I would like to try,' he said, stepping forward while Haru stayed back, staring at Makoto with wide-eyed confusion. 'If it means a chance to figure out what I really want. Without relying on Haru,' he said and looked down. Haru's brows furrowed; he couldn't blink back the shock and instead stared. _

Haru clutched the pillow to his chest, stared up at the ceiling from his spot on Makoto's carpet. He couldn't get Makoto's words out of his head. They had hit Haru with a shocking surge of pain, like catching a mouthful of water, his throat dried from the chemical burn of chlorine, his lungs searing as he desperately coughed for air.

He didn't hear the bathroom door close; didn't hear the sound of Makoto's shuffling socks on the carpet. Haru only noticed, with a bit of a jump—when he felt the shifting pressure when Makoto laid beside him on the ground. Makoto rested his head against a small throw pillow and turned on his side, smiled as he balanced his weight on his arm.

Haru stared up at him, asking with his wide-eyes the question he was too afraid to ask. Makoto looked away for a moment, and Haru had to ask.

"Why? Why do you want to go some place without me?"

Makoto understood. His eyes softened, fingers splaying on the empty space between them. But still he smiled, and Haru remembered the cat demon's words.

_'Follow to the end of the threat,' the cat said, 'It's a map, a map that will lead you. It will be your guide to finding happiness.' _

He felt like Makoto's smile was that map Haru followed in his life. He blinked away the start of tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

"Haru..." He loved the way his name sounded rolling off Makoto's tongue, but not in this instant, when Makoto looked at him like _that_; as if he couldn't be more guilty. Like there was something to be guilty about. "I'm sorry," Makoto said. Sometimes it was worse when someone said sorry when they had done nothing wrong. Haru wanted to turn away, but Makoto's eyes were a trap. He stared up at him with an unblinking stillness. How was it that Makoto was able to read Haru so easily but Haru sometimes struggled to understand his own feelings when it came to Makoto.

He just didn't _get _it. He didn't get why Makoto wanted to lead separate futures. Someplace without Makoto simply didn't exist in the honest, simplistic valleys of Haruka's mind. His mind was as streamlined as the lane in a swimming pool.

"Oh." Sorry hurt like a good bye.

"I want to find out if I'll be okay without you. I haven't had the chance. Everything has always been you, Haruka Nanase." Haru stared at his mouth; then his eyes traveled to the calming springs of Makoto's eyes.

"Don't call me Haruka," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably, hugging the pillow tighter against his body.

"I don't want it to be anymore." Makoto continued, eyes falling to the floor between them. Haru could feel his heart whipping wildly in his chest. "Graduation will only be harder. And..." Makoto eyes looked up with a sort of determination in them that Haru recognized. "I don't want to hold you back any longer. You are the best in the water, Haru. Don't let that go."

Haruka didn't know what to say, and so he didn't say anything. He simply stared at Makoto this way; even after Haru could only hear the soft breaths after Makoto fell asleep. Even when Haru lay awake and stilled his breath as to not awake his friend. And when the clock ticked away he stood up and walked over to the book he had pressed his Good Fortune into, held it in his palm, and re-read it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: The lines in italics are direct quotes from High Speed 2. Thank.

The Loneliness of Good Fortunes  
Chapter Two: Horizons

* * *

Haru stopped walking, and Makoto noticed immediately. He continued walking until the obvious net of Haru's discomfort pulled him back. He stopped and turned, head cocked to the side. Haruka refused to look up at him, and Makoto immediately knew something was wrong by the way he held himself. It was the small things: the intensity in his shoulders, the way his knuckles turned white as they clenched in fists. No one else would notice the details, but as Makoto had told Haru last night, he was the entirety of Makoto's single-tracked life. In Makoto's own way, noticing the little things and acting on them was how he paid Haru back for being that one hand there to hold in the monochrome years following that painful incident.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice a gentle coax and Haruka looked up with a pink tinge. The steps between them seemed to stretch and both boys were too afraid to reach forward, to close the gap between them. That pain was a distance that Haru never wanted. This fear he felt at this particular moment stemmed from dreams that left him gasping awake in a cold sweat. Dreams in which he burst free from the water's surface, expected Makoto's extended hand, and found the solitude he only pretended that he wanted. It was too much of an effort to care, Haru tried to tell himself. And people get hurt when too much passion is involved.

"I thought about what you said." Haru spoke quickly, curtly, and Makoto gave Haru his undivided attention. Not like Makoto ever strayed, after all. The words seemed to bubble in Haru's chest before they finally burst free in a strange sort of way. "I'm sorry!" He began, his eyes wide, red creeping onto his cheeks and the point of his nose. "I apologize if I never gave you the chance to be on your own, Makoto." His eyes shifted downwards.

Makoto's brows furrowed. He had never meant to make Haru feel guilty over Makoto's strange yearnings of independence. It was only that his life so far had been lived on carefully placed stepping stones; throughout it all, Haru had kept Makoto centered. Comfort had always been Makoto's crutch to bear. And now he wanted to jump. Feel the splash of dirty, muddy waters and know what it was that Haru constantly chased. That dream of freedom that Makoto didn't yet realize was just a silly notion of a dream. Makoto, who had always been centered, chased and reached a grasping hand out for the things he had tricked himself into thinking mattered.

"It's not that, Haru." Makoto pressed a hand to his forehead with a heavy sigh. He supposed his words had had a different effect on Haru than he intended. There was never a moment Makoto spent with Haruka that was regrettable. But the stress of a plan, of a future, had left a disconcerting edge to Makoto's tone that Haru had picked up on in a snap. It was both the pain and pleasure of knowing each other so well.

"I don't want to hold you back anymore."

_ But you don't. I've always been the one whose held you back, _Makoto thought to himself and went to say as much. He went to say the words that had been on the tip of his tongue for his entire life. Since that moment long ago in middle school: standing at the edge of rocks with violent waves crashing at his slippery shoes. The sea waved at him. Beckoned him. And Haru had been there to grasp at him through darkness. The moments had linked together like connecting red thread and suddenly Makoto was holding Haru's hand as they walked alongside the beach with the horizon behind them.

Haru was thinking of the same thing. "Remember when I found you on the beach, and you said..." Haru stopped, looking off to the side as his voice began to break. He quietly reclaimed his composure to himself. "You wanted to go some place without me. You still feel the same way then?" Haruka's brows furrowed as he stared at the ground at nothing in particular. Anything, anything but Makoto.

"Yeah, I remember." How could Makoto have ever forgotten? He couldn't come up with a reasonable answer to Haru's second question. After all, letting the truth hang awkwardly between them was one of their pastimes.

"Do you remember what I said to you?" Haruka said as he looked up with a seriousness in the way his brows drew forward. "I still feel the same way too."

Makoto blinked, his eyes lit like they were created solely for the absolute purpose of reflecting light. Like skies lit with fireworks, his cheeks pinched with a pink blush to match the glint in his eyes. He knew exactly what Haru had said back then.

_'...Would you be okay without me, Haru?' _

_Haru couldn't hide it any longer. '...I wouldn't come looking for you if that were the case." _

"Haru, listen...?" Makoto said as he stepped forward, his hand reaching forward to grab Haru's wrist. He pulled the other boy closer who looked at him with that intensity in his expressive eyes that had made Makoto fall so hard for him in the first place. And Makoto squeezed his wrist and opened his mouth to draw in a deep, braving breath.

But the words never came. Before he had a chance to speak there was an explosion of color. Bright-pigmented clouds came to life around their feet, a puddle that flowed like liquid at their ankles. Their hair, their clothes rustled to life with the vibrant spritz of a breeze.

The cat-demon formed with a giggle that echoed down the pathway of stairs where they stood. Even as the sound echoed like it came from the sky itself, the sweet old lady who lived just down the stairwell continued to water her plants like she couldn't see or hear the commotion that stood before Makoto and Haru with winking eyes and a happy smile.

"You guys are here," he said and held out his hand. "Do you have them?"

Haru was hesitant, but with a irritated look he fished into his pocket and pulled out the 'Good Fortunes' card he received. Makoto held out his with a solemn look that rarely graced face. The two refused to look at each other. Makoto felt a settling guilt for wanting to experience a future without Haru; especially after what Haru had just admitted in the little amount of words he actually said. Haru would never admit certain things, and Makoto had a harder time reading those thoughts in Haru's unlimited neutral expressions.

But there were some things, like it or not, that Makoto had to do for himself. He held the Good Fortunes slip in his palm, read it with such an interest that he barely began to notice the soft trembling of the earth beneath them.

"Are you two positive about this?" He asked, taking Makoto's card first, Haruka's second.

Haru was never positive, he realized with a sickening feeling in his gut that morphed to a cold chill that ran through his body. But he looked out of the corner of his eye at Makoto. Makoto nodded with such certainty.

"I'm ready," Makoto said as he turned to look at Haru. Haru refused to look at him. His head was turned as he stared with indignation at the trembling ground.

The cat-oni turned a pointed look at Haru. "Haru?"

"Whatever."

"Good enough for me. Alright then. What do you wish for your future? Haru, you first."

Haru himself didn't know for sure. But he supposed that was the point of this gift from the shrine. A chance to experience the idea of a future that terrified them because they knew it'd have to be without the other. In the deepest recesses of his heart, Haru had been changed by Rei's speech. And so with a quiet, but sturdy voice he said, "Scouted. Competitive swimming school." He looked away and Makoto looked at Haru with his brows knitted, a strange half-frown, half-smile on his face.

"Quick question: the one that Rin's going to?"

Haru's eyes shifted for a moment before he nodded. "Okay."

"Okay. What about you, Makoto?"

Makoto swallowed; he hadn't realized a future without Haru meant Haru and Rin would be able to share the same one. That didn't seem fair. But he put a smile on and said, "Tokyo University."

Haru looked over, shocked. "I thought you wanted to go to a local school?" Makoto scratched his cheek.

"W-well, if we get any future..."

"It's not any future. It's the ones your hearts want most, but are too afraid of. And you two have spoken truthfully. Okay. Hold out your cards. And you have your threads with you?" Both nodded and did as told.

The cat-demon, with its calico-wink, touched the other side of their fortunes and in an instance it seemed like light burst from the solid earth. They covered their eyes with their arms, tried to keep their legs steady on the shaking ground. Among the sound and commotion, they heard the cat-demon gleefully say, "Just remember the red threads can lead you back." He handed them back their fortunes, and everything changed. Once it all dissipated and they opened their eyes, they were no longer in the same place.

Makoto opened his eyes in Tokyo.

–

Haru opened his eyes underwater; to his surprise, it didn't make the transition any easier. The water was darker than he ever remembered, as if the sky outside was darkened itself. Haru looked around at the unfamiliarity of his surroundings and for the first time in a long time, he panicked.

He burst free from the water with a gasp, confused and questioning why the water had not seemed to want to let go. He heard his name called and he looked over to see Rin there with a confused look on his face. Haru let out a heavy breath, comforted to see that familiar face and swam over, even though he wasn't aware he was in the middle of practices for a race.

"What happened?" He asked. Rin didn't stick out his hand to help Haru out, and Haru wasn't sure he would have wanted him to, but he did realize how lonely it felt to not have that familiar hand. Haru climbed out with a heavy feeling that only seemed to want to pull him back down underneath the water's cold surface.

"Nothing," he said as he pulled his swim cap and goggles off. He shook his hair, then took these few moments to look at his surroundings. This gym was nothing like Iwatobi's small pool or even Samezuka's. It was massive with multiple pools; the roof was stretched for miles above them. Haru's eyes were practically gleaming at the sight of so many grand pools around them. Haru didn't feel that same sense of happiness as usual though. It felt empty.

In an instant he remembered the red thread and looked down at his clothing—swim trunks—and panicked again. He looked around the room and saw a stack of duffel bags and ran over. His feet smacked wetly against the floor and he could hear Rin shouting a question at him as he ran. He fell to his knees rather roughly and unzipped his bag furiously. There it was, tied in tiny little bow around his Good Luck Fortune card. He pressed his hand to his chest and breathed in relief.

"What's today?" He asked as he turned around.

"Tuesday," Rin said with a confused look. Haru looked at him with an even more confused look. "I don't know. June 5th?"

"Fifth..." Haru repeated to himself. It was the same day. "2014?"

"No, Haru, did you hit your head in there or something?" Rin asked, shaking his head with his mouth dropped open in confusion. He pressed a hand to his forehead. "These past couple years out of high school and you're still as weird as ever." He walked away towards the pool, leaving Haruka kneeling before his gym bag with a rapid stutter in his heart. Two years.

It worked.

Instantly he felt panic. He dug through his bag for his phone but after tossing shirts and gym shorts aside he realized he must not have had it on him. He sighed to himself but tried to keep calm. He threw all the discarded clothing back into the bag then slung it around his shoulder. He didn't bother calling to Rin as he headed into the locker room with a quickened pace to find his phone.

A search inside his locker—not that he recognized anything inside—led him to believe he had left his phone at home. Standing in the empty row of lockers he came to a sudden that he had no idea where his home was anymore. Where were they even? International level? He could have wished for a a life in Australia for all he knew. He knew he would have to rely on Rin if he wanted to understand this future life he had chosen for himself. And a part of him wondered if it would have been easier to simply let the future run its natural course.

With his head down he made his way back to the pools.

"Awesome swimming out there, Nanase!" One guy clapped him on his shoulder and gave him a two-finger wave. Haru blinked and turned his head away in response. If a couple years had passed, he was no 20. Only one more year until he could be ordinary.

"Way to go Haru!" Another guy clapped him on the back and Haru pulled his shoulder away with a heavy sigh. As soon as he found Rin he tugged on his elbow to get his attention.

"Can we go back home?" He asked. Rin ran a hand through his hair in irritation.

"We're still in the middle of practice," Rin said, but Haru was stubborn and didn't seem to care. "I'll meet you later." Haru watched him turn away and Haru sighed impatiently. But Rin didn't turn back around.

Haru was smart. He'd figure it out on his own. But as he walked away and into the unfamiliar setting outside he understood that he felt a loneliness that he hadn't felt since middle school. Makoto had always been there. And now, all his mind could think to was his phone and how he hoped he could contact Makoto soon. Where had he ended up in all of this?

–

Makoto felt a sense of awe he had never felt before when he stepped outside on the balcony of his loft. The sky was the color of fresh peaches and sakura blossoms. The clouds gathered together In a way that was ever changing. Clouds that morphed as the earth spun on its axis and the wind breathed its soft breath onto them. Makoto remembered learning about it when he was much younger. He smiled to himself. He was beginning to think a bit like Rei, but what all that had taught him was a philosophy on life. The sky-even the sea-were always changing. Even if they didn't notice right away. At least, that was what Makoto thought. It was what had kept him moving forward these past few years. To train harder, swim faster.

The very idea of swimming gave Makoto an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sickening, even. At the risk of becoming independent of Haru-at the risk of living a life he thought would be best suited for himself-had had given up swimming. Hand-in-hand were swimming and Haru.

But Makoto kept his face held high and looked up into the shifting colors of the sky. Staring into its vast openness-no limit, and that exhilarated Makoto-made him feel at ease. A peace washed over him. It was like the first moment, long ago, when he looked at the clouds in the blue clearness of the sky and realized he wasn't going to drown. Realized he was floating. This moment kind of felt like floating. And Makoto kept his chin raised, eyes set, didn't dare looking down to the earth or to the horizon off in the corner where the sky and sea melted so neatly together in a line that cut the world in two.

It would hurt too much.

Haru had never gotten lost before. Iwatobi was a familiar set of stairway alleys and ocean-lining paths. It was as simple as the lines in his palm. Easily read, easily predicted. The simplicity was near non-existent in this town.

Careful speculation had led Haru to believe this was not Iwatobi nor Tokyo nor Australia, but a different city entirely. Which city was still up in arms. But Haru hadn't managed to find one person who would stop and answer his muttered question of where was he? How did he get back to swimming arena? Had he made a wrong turn? It should have been right there.

Haru sat down at a bench in a square-shaped park. To his surprise and delight he found a small bento box of mackerel and leaks in his duffel bag. With his knees drawn together he took small bites of cold mackerel and kept his eyes down at his food while he listened to men argue on cellphones and the sound of running shoes stepping lightly on the sidewalk before him.

And Haru sighed. And the space between he and the edge of the bench could have used someone familiar right about now.


End file.
